Vlorbik's Diner

son of owen's cooking show

Archive for the ‘70s’ Category

technical difficulties

Posted by vlorbik on April 25, 2014

Photo on 2014-04-25 at 09.43Photo on 2014-04-25 at 09.41

i’ve put away dishes this morning…
so the drying rack is empty (as you
can see). the rinsed-and-ready file
on the RHS (= “right-hand side”) of
the sink isn’t at all close to full,
so i won’t be running hot water before
breakfast. that four-slice toaster’s
a gem (one can serve two sandwiches
at once on very freshly toasted bread).
the enormous punchbowl recently held
corn chips (tostito’s original restaurant
style from the “party size” bag; the second
such bowlful from that bag, leaving enough
chips for one more suchlike serves-two
serving; last night’s batch we had with
sour cream and from-a-jar salsa [also
“tostito’s”). before that, chickenwing-&-
-baconbit salad (romaine hearts, half
a tomato, grated carrot, chopped celery,
grated swiss, bottled “garlic expressions”
dressing; serve with ritz crackers. watch
an ep of _columbo_. rub her feet.
[how to derive maximum enjoy-
ment from crackers.]

Posted in 70s, DAADD, OT+ML | Leave a Comment »

from the archives: mc-garry’s cooking show (~1976)

Posted by vlorbik on August 20, 2013

1 you take 3 eggs beat them up real good

2 like this

1 yea, next add a little milk… about this much

2 why?

1 texture

2 oh…

1 now. let’s , let it sit for wile, wile we put the butter into our pan.

listen. very important. the pan can’t be too hot, ’bout medium heat

2 got it

1 put your butter in. about a table-spoon. let’s let that sit wile we chop up some chives.

2 i think we already had them chopped

1 oh…

2 yea, about a cups worth in that bowl

1 right. well, the butter is just about melted now. and we wate for-it-to-get-to-the-melting stage.


1 and the eggs?

2 in the pan
in a minet
got to wate for the eggs or rather butter to get to the “bubbling-stage.”

1 hurry. i’m real hungre.

2 yea. right. as soon as the butter passes through the bublling stage we pour in the eggs.

1 the eggs.

2 thankyou. pour in what you think is an egg and a half. this much, or so. and wate. that may be the scret of good cooking. take your time.

1 thats good advice

2 i live by that code

1 wow…

2 the next thing we watch is the edges of the omlet. thay will harden, or cook, and thats where we fold it. that’s got to be done
very gently.
take your time.
and do it gently.

1 more code?

2 yea.

1 the egg.

2 yes, of course. the edges have to be hard, but not burnt.
take your fork and slip it inbetween the egg and the pan. then simply flip it over. into a half circle.

1 what happens with the wine.

2 that’s the interesting part. wine alwas makes a dish interesting.

1 was that a pun?

2 spell it out for me.
take your lid … pour your wine in and quickly cover it.
take your time
do it gently and do it quitly

1 take your time & do it quickly

2 code gets complacated.
lift the lid and slide the omlett onto the plate.

1 we forgot the chives

2 your right

(signed) CH…S

(illegible… McGarry, his mark.
mine now since he rudely left it
in my notebook uninvited. trust
no one.)

Posted in 70s, Old-school Friends, Recipes | Leave a Comment »

two guys named ray, long ago. also potatoes.

Posted by vlorbik on February 13, 2013

ray bunnage was my best friend for most of the 60’s:
from our late single-digit years up to our early teens.
the bunnages weren’t as well-off financially as we thomases
(his dad was a methodist preacher & mine an english prof);
probably this does much to account for the fact that ray
was generally *much more practical* than i was (he began
earning his own money by the then-usual paper routes and
lawn-mowing jobs quite a bit before i did, for example).

we ran around together everywhere and hung out quite a bit
at each other’s houses… sleepovers and all the usual
kid stuff. but it occurs to me now that we *never*…
or almost never… spent much time in *my* familiy’s kitchen
but we spent *many*many hours cooking… and of course eating…
in *his*.

and i’ll’ve forgotten most of it. but i remember the
already-old-fashioned stand-up mixer we’d use for cakes
(from a premix box). and, get this, a hand-cranked
*ice-cream* maker (i’ll’ve only participated in making
it maybe one or two times… they made pretty big batches
and there was always a grownup involved; it was something
of an event… and the like-no-other batches lasted weeks).
another thing that comes up in my memory quite often:
cooking burgers out. ray liked to knead an enormous amount
of “seasoning salt” into the burger patties… enough that
they were almost falling apart… before grilling ’em.
and i copied his style as i did in most culinary matters.

anyhow, i suppose i’m bringing this up now as evidence
that even in childhood i enjoyed at least glimpses
of the cooking-is-fun-and-easy vibe… but mostly
down the street.

at home with just the family? not so much.
i can barely remember “helping” my mother
in the kitchen (by getting in the way and
licking the batter off the beaters and such).
my *clearest* memory of suchlike matters is
proudly peeling and mashing potatoes for
thanksgiving day. i must’ve done this
for a few years in a row. i seem to have
been influenced in this choice-of-specialty
by the comics: “sad sack” would sometimes
be shown peeling potatoes as a punishment
(“K.P.” stood for “kitchen patrol” or
“kitchen police” or somesuch thing, but
to me it was “keep peeling” [probably i got
this deliberate-misreading from my sister])
and for some reason i got a kick out of
identifying with this character.

but for the most part, i picked up pretty early
on the “housewifery is a trap for the less-fortunate”
vibe loud and clear from both parents (and the
culture at large… n^th wave feminism and
“do your own thing” and whatnot) and wanted
nothing to do with *anything* as “useful” as
cooking. once you let it be known that you’re
*good* at that stuff, they’ll keep making you
*do* it over and over. what’s next, *cleaning*?
then a bunch of years passed. ray moved away.
i got another best friend, chris mc-garry.
then mc-garry moved away. a year-and-change
later, he set up an interview for me at the
hotel he was working at and i got my first
full-time job and moved out of my dad’s place.
another year passed. and chris moved back
to bloomington. and the hotel fired me
and i got a bunch of temp jobs.
ray young was my employer first… but then,
and in pretty short order, my room-mate and
bachelor-life mentor. ray ran a carpet-cleaning
business and first hired me… i answered a want-ad…
as a phone solicitor (approximately the world’s worst
job). i was no good at getting him leads so he decided
to take me out on the jobs instead and hired somebody
else to work the phone.

business dried up in thousand oaks, so ray decided
to move back to vegas and set up there for a while.
he’d done this dosie-doh before and knew a few people
there. anyhow, he invited me to come along.
which is how we became room-mates.

back to the cooking show. one of the first things
we did on moving in was go get several pounds of
hamburger. which he showed me how to patty up
and shove in the freezer. the idea was to always
have *something* on hand. if the patty stack
started getting low, why then, we’d go and get
some more meat.

but ray wasn’t *much* into cooking. and eating out
in vegas was *cheap*. hell, drinks were “free” if
you were gambling. fifty-cent buffet breakfasts
were common and we sampled quite a few.

so, besides the burgers, i can only remember one
cooking tip from living with ray young: fried potatoes.
the classic recipe: cut ’em up, fry ’em in fat, salt
to taste, serve. we had this several times to soak
up the beer we’d drink lots of almost every night.
it was great.

and now i do ’em all the time.
a couple months ago, i even made madeline
a breakfast of “fried potatoes three ways”.
french-fry cut, disks (the way ray showed me),
and hash-browns. fried in butter, oil,
and pigfat in some order (i forget).
i myself had “fried potatoes four ways”
that morning since i’d peeled at least one
potato (and won’t serve the peels unless
done right with onions & cheese).

i still love mashing ’em too.
here’s something you probably haven’t tried:
put in some cream cheese (and a little less
butter). yum.

okay. starving. time for some hash-browns!

Posted in 60s, 70s, DAADD, Taters | Leave a Comment »

miracles of the web

Posted by vlorbik on July 27, 2011

i haven’t seen… or heard from…
bob shaffer since even before he
painted the cover for this issue of galaxy.
and of course it’s too common a name
to look for him in farcebook or its ilk.
anybody seen my old pal?

2015 edit:

Posted in 70s, Old-school Friends | 1 Comment »

comics will break your heart

Posted by vlorbik on January 10, 2010

marvel vs. kirby in USA today. the future: a dog biting a human leg. forever.

test post (a macbook for a camera).

timothy hittle’s the potato hunter (U-tube). (also: “gumby” creator art clokey dies at 88; RIP).

boxcar books doco; matt starr at vimeo.

Posted in 70s, 80s, 90s, Bloomington, Ohs, OT+ML | Leave a Comment »

2 Henry VI, IV.vii

Posted by vlorbik on November 24, 2009

everybody always cites, the first thing
we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.
but the scariest thing in cade’s rebellion
as presented in shakespeare for me is
“burn all the records of the realm.
my mouth shall be the parliament
of england.”.

because, like i keep tellin ya.
it’s a hardcopy holocaust out there
what with everything being turned into
bits and pulp and landfill.
libraries closing or turning into
data processing stations.
entire university departments…
life support systems for libraries…
being sent to retraining by
human resources zombies with
really good benefits packages.
shred your records at the earliest
opportunity was the law of the land
where *i* was last employed
and i don’t think it’s unusual.
cf whatever rant i posted a while
back about paper bank checks disappearing.

this is how “populist” dictators win.
democratic kampuchea probably the
textbook case of “purge the intellectuals”
but they all do it. it’s farenheit 451
all around us every day so dig it please
and hoard whatever books you think
anybody might want to get a look at later.

Posted in 70s, Books, Despair, Rants, Shakespearefest | 5 Comments »