Vlorbik's Diner

son of owen's cooking show

Doling Out Breakthoughs

Posted by vlorbik on September 14, 2009

in doing maths we bang on symbols
and produce theorems in the world.
also insights in ourselves.
“deep” insight on today’s model
(halfbaked as usual…
“publish the notes”)
will *always* follow
a correspondingly “deep”
feeling of *frustration*.

insights are all well and good…
indispensable in any form
of learning rightly so-called
i imagine… but (for today)
are pretty basic stuff spiritually.
they come in two complementary types:
“i’m no good” and “all will be well”.

the truth of the revelation:
there will soon come events
worse than we can even imagine.
this is pretty godawful stuff
to think about godknows but
is nonetheless understood
pretty well: everybody else
has had to die so far and
in matters of the body i appear
very convincingly to be one
among all the others.

acceptance may not be… isn’t…
the answer to all my problems.
that’s a lie of the program.
but it’s sure as hell
the answer to *this* one.
since it’s obviously no good
*fighting* it and all.

but… of course… not *yet*.
so it’ll have to be wrapped up
in some *denial system* or other;
most likely whole *bunches* of ’em
for different parts of the day
or season or lifetime.
all will be well.

this is insight of the form
“this otherwise troubling thing
doesn’t need to trouble me *now*”.
hope is *better* than despair.
sometimes… maybe… we can
*choose* it and “move toward” it.

this “frustration” i mentioned earlier?
the “i’m no good” comes from feeling
(with moral certainty) that some *lie*
that we’ve been telling ourselves
is keeping us from seeing what is
after all so simple to so many others…
and, indeed, if we can just somehow
*see* it will soon and forever after
seem simple to ourselves.

but letting go of lies is scary:
denial systems exist for reasons.
to have to keep admitting to oneself
that one’s own understanding
of a situation is inadequate…

math *is* hard.
but life is harder still.
all will be well.

you gotta give ’em hope.


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