Vlorbik's Diner

son of owen's cooking show

We Don’t Need No Stinking Badgers

Posted by vlorbik on August 17, 2009

stand up for yourself
or find somebody to stand up for you
or be beaten and raped and left alone
with your pain until the next guy
in line comes to beat you and rape you
again. that kind of thing.
the rules of the tank and not only
of the tank: the rules of the oldest
profession. at least some of the time.
*some* of those “girls” out on the street
every night and day are presumably beaten up
pretty regularly just to keep the money flowing
for some “pimp”—a word so loaded
that, for me, it can *have* no “literal” meaning
(hence the squarequotes; a marginal note
as it were to myself marking a bit that
requires more explication; a kiss and
a promise). anyhow, the pimp considered
as an economic actor would then be, what,
a member of the second-oldest profession?
because this looks like “slaves and bosses
shall be the order of the day” from here
and a good enough model of *all* economic life
to account for the constant currency
of the very *saying* about
“the oldest profession”.

anyhow if you can’t beat him you join him
so you’re reunited with the cosmic principle
whereas acceptance is the answer to all
your problems and you get out there
and turn your tricks like a good girl
or anyhow come back with the money
one way or another because, well,
because you’ve got to *turn it over*.
and so you just accept it and call it
stockholm syndrome or call it the gospel
but it actually works because christ
it’s better than fucking jail.
where there’s even less carrot
and even more stick. the rules.

and how do they frighten the hardened cons?
pascal’s quiet room alone.
which i’m actually pretty good at.
please don’t misunderstand:
solitary *confinement* would
break my spirit down too and
probably faster than most;
i’m not claiming any moral toughness here
(quite the opposite in fact…
more “scarequotes”…).

but, and i think i’m getting pretty close
to an actual *point* here, something
“lee” said recently. reading makes people
less inclined to violence.

so you learn the arts of literacy
because if bygod all you’ve gotta do
to get out of the next assbeating
is, i don’t know, memorize some
_bible_ verses (as an ex of mine
was made to do as a kid for this
very reason; i expect this is
*very* common in at least some
and it works.

and if you get so good at this “reading” thing?
that you can instruct others? oh goody.
you can be a “schoolteacher”. your job?
teach people to do as they’re told
(or negotiate a way to fake it).
for advanced credit, give the appearance
that you’re doing something worthwhile
and loving it; this is called
“making us look good” (or “the bait”).
but don’t forget: advanced credit
can work against you. nobody likes a smartass.


8 Responses to “We Don’t Need No Stinking Badgers”

  1. Sue said

    a blog i recently found, that i otherwise like, has used the phrase “pimp my x” for a few posts. i really hate that.

  2. Vanessa said

    maybe adjuncts need pimps – trusting the system isn’t working & unions haven’t caught on well enough. but wait, isn’t that what grad school advisors, thesis / research directors and patrons are?

  3. kibrolv said

    to me it still connotes “lowest form of life” loud and clear
    but our blogger, overconfident as usual unless i miss my guess,
    has adopted this recent usage, as young people will, on the
    “if it’s too loud, you’re too old” principle. but why not both?
    (yes, i’m too old; yes, it’s too loud.)

    “you can’t possibly be this sensitive in real life” somebody told me
    in twitter when i hadn’t even thought i’d acted offfended…
    just going along with the joke. i’m actually much *more*
    sensitive in real life of course but for that very reason have had
    to learn to keep my mouth shut a little better there.

  4. kibrolv said

    oh, hi vanessa! i was replying to sue
    even as this thing posted. boy this is fun.

    i’m still too caught up in academic ideology
    to think of advising as pimp-like.

    but this whole “writing program administrator” thing
    bousquet talks about. well, i don’t want to fault anybody
    else for doing what they have to do to get along. really.
    but i didn’t study study study just so i could spy on my colleagues.
    a damn shame so many people think this is a good idea.

  5. kibrolv said

    my ex-department (math) looks to have been trending that way;
    i’ll have been unclear. the point is that “full-time” faculty are
    increasingly exploited by management *as* management.

    the captains of industry… who are openly running the madhouse…
    don’t seem to see any need to value intellectual life at all
    and don’t even bother to bait the hook with it much any more.

    no use letting anybody get anywhere near a “grownup” job
    that doesn’t have to push *anybody* around. bad for business.

  6. brazenteacher said

    When you write (and I subsequently read it) it’s as if it’s coming from somewhere real. Does that sound awfully new age non-specific?

    Maybe to explain better… when I read what you write it makes everyone else sound less real. Just a thought I had reading this post. 🙂

  7. kibrolv said

    well. my day made already and it’s only 6:30.
    (but wait. those other people are *real*?)
    i can’t seem to stop grinning. boy this is great.

    by the way, everybody go read brazen.
    this recent post on artists and grey areas, say.

  8. kibrolv said

    hey look.
    i’ve done it too,
    and not long ago.
    overconfident as usual.

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